Let’s Talk About It: Intimacy While Breastfeeding

From a NICU RN, IBCLC, and mama who gets it

Hey Mama,

We talk a lot about latching, leaking, and pumping — but one thing that doesn’t get enough airtime? Intimacy while breastfeeding.

You’re nourishing your baby, your hormones are in overdrive, your body doesn’t quite feel like your own — and then you’re somehow supposed to flip the switch into sexy mode. If you’ve struggled with this, you are not broken. You are not alone. Let’s get honest.

1. The Hormone Factor: Oxytocin & Prolactin

Breastfeeding is a hormonal symphony:

• Oxytocin (“the love hormone”) surges with every let-down, helping milk flow and bonding you to your baby.

• Prolactin (the milk-making hormone) keeps supply flowing but also keeps estrogen levels low.

👉 Translation? Your body is wired for nurturing, not necessarily seducing. Lower estrogen can mean vaginal dryness, thinner tissues, and even pain during intercourse. It’s not your imagination — it’s biology.

2. The “Touched Out” Feeling Is Real

You spend your waking hours with a baby attached to you. Snuggling, nursing, contact naps, baby wearing — it’s constant physical connection. So when your partner wants closeness, you may feel like you have nothing left to give.

This doesn’t mean you don’t love them. It means your sensory bucket is full. And it’s okay to name that.

3. Painful Intercourse While Breastfeeding

Because of low estrogen, some women experience:

• Vaginal dryness

• Burning or stinging during penetration

• General discomfort even with arousal

Things that may help:

• Water-based lubricants or coconut oil (safe, effective, affordable)

• Vaginal moisturizers used regularly (not just during sex)

• Pelvic floor physical therapy

• Talking with your provider about low-dose vaginal estrogen (safe for many breastfeeding women, but always check with your doctor)

👉 Remember: pain is a signal, not a “price” you have to pay for intimacy.

4. Creating New Ways to Connect

Intimacy doesn’t have to start in the bedroom. It can look like:

• Holding hands during a walk

• Back rubs without expectation

• Sharing a shower (even if it’s five minutes before the baby cries)

• Talking about something other than the baby for 10 minutes

• Watching a show together instead of scrolling separately

Small connections stack up — and make bigger moments feel more natural when the time comes.

5. Communicating With Your Partner

Your partner doesn’t live in your skin. They don’t know what prolactin does or how “touched out” feels. So tell them:

• “I love you, but right now my body feels maxed out from baby contact.”

• “I want to connect — here are ways that feel good for me right now.”

• “I still desire closeness with you, but it may look different for a while.”

Honest conversation prevents resentment and keeps intimacy alive in whatever form works for both of you.

6. The Shame-Free Truth

If intimacy feels different while breastfeeding — that’s normal. If sex is painful — that’s common. If you feel “touched out” — welcome to the club. None of these things mean you’re failing as a partner or a mother.

This season is temporary. With communication, support, and sometimes a little lube, intimacy can evolve into something new and meaningful.

Final Thought

Mama, you’ve given your body to grow, birth, and feed a baby. It makes sense that intimacy feels different right now. Give yourself permission to move at your pace, seek help when you need it, and remember: there is zero shame in how you feel.

Intimacy doesn’t disappear while breastfeeding. It just shifts — and that shift can lead to deeper, more authentic connection if you let it.